Friday, October 21, 2011

Friday Flash

Sixty steps true west from the twisted tree where dead men hung, was the center of Nowhere; a ramshackle town at the end of the trail.
Shutters banged, footsteps retreated down the wooden boardwalk, and curtains whisked closed.
Sam Hell had come to town.
At the end of the street two dusty youngsters played at marbles.
“Good shot!” Cody wiped at his runny nose.
“Say Mister, do you wanna play marbles?” the other noticed Sam.
"No kid."
“Don’t look at ‘em he’s mean.” Cody scooped up his shooter.
“You ever kill anyone?”
“Just people that ask too many questions.”


Linda Palund said...

This is really enchanting. Needs a little editing though, so if you have a chance, close the curtains instead of shutting them (two shuts in a paragraph). Otherwise evocative and jokey too!

J. S. Hill said...

Thanks I had found this myself but posted the wrong copy, oops

Siobhan Muir / Meg Palevich said...

Oh I really liked this! I liked the way the dangerous gunslinger (at least that's what my mind supplied) talked to the kids and warned them about the questions. Yet he seemed almost playful with them too. Nicely done. I really enjoyed this one, JS!

Anonymous said...

Haha! You called it a 'shooter' :) That's what I had in mind on mine and it's pretty neat that you've also included a different sort of 'shooter' in the mix.

Great story :)

Anonymous said...

Oh no! I hope the kids get away!

Tiyana, aka "Yoyo" said...

"Sam Hell had come to town."

LoL. For some reason, that was my favorite line. I could hear this dramatic male voice saying it in my head...

The whole mood of this story is just great. I can almost hear the wind tossing tumbleweeds around with the kids just staring at each other afterwards like:




J. S. Hill said...

Yep I had to cut the tumbleweeds to make the 100 words. :)

Mahjira said...

My favorite lines were "Sam Hell had come to town." and "...curtains whisked closed." Those stood out the most to me. The bold statement of Sam Hell coming to town, should put the fear in all of us. As for the curtains whisking closed...I just loved the description. :P

Anonymous said...

Hi J.S.

Loved your story. Something you might consider. Instead of the word 'people' in the last sentence, change it to 'kids'. Would still be menacing to the children but would add to his mystery to adults reading.

Just rambling here. Your work is always so well realized I usually never say a word.



Thomma Lyn said...

Bwahahaha. Love this! Especially the last line. Wonderfully wicked!